While it’s also the most exciting time, wedding days can be a LOT. Overwhelming in the best of ways, but also in the anxious way, and that’s okay! You are not alone in feeling both sides as the big day approaches, but don’t worry–I’m here to give you all my tricks of the trade. 

Take some deep breaths, and join me as we discuss the biggest concerns with planning your wedding, the day of, and how to survive and THRIVE on the journey there!

After the excitement of the proposal gives way to the planning stage, you’ve probably had one thought circling your brain: “Why does everyone and their mother have an opinion on my wedding day?” 

But…actually. Why does your Aunt have thoughts about the seating chart? Why does your coworker–who you aren’t even planning to invite–feel the need to ask if they get a plus one when you haven’t even sent out the invites yet? Here’s the thing nobody tells you: weddings are one of the few times in life where people feel like they’re allowed (encouraged, even) to hand out unsolicited opinions. It’s not really about you, it’s about the fact that weddings are emotional and everyone has their own wedding memories, wedding dreams, or wedding regrets that they’re projecting onto your special day. 

My advice? You don’t owe anyone a debate, an invite, a reason, or an answer, honestly. A simple “we’ve got it handled, but thank you!” closes the door kindly without opening it back up for more commentary. You can be gracious and still hold your boundaries. Both things can be true at once. Don’t forget that 🙂 

Now to discuss the age old question: “What if I don’t want to invite someone?”

Easier said than done, but let me just remind you that you don’t have to! I promise. This is one of the most common things I hear during planning, and it usually comes with a side of guilt. Here’s my honest take as someone who has been a part of all different kinds of wedding days from a few people to hundreds of people being invited: your wedding is not a “who owes who an invite” situation. It’s your day, and it should be filled with people who actually feel like your people, not obligation invites that stress your budget, your table count, and you! We don’t have room for the unneeded stressors. 

If it helps, try this reframe: every seat at your wedding is a “yes” to spending money, time, and emotional energy on that relationship. If it’s not a genuine yes, it’s okay to leave it off the list. You can always celebrate differently with extended family or family friends after the fact if you want to soften it. If you really do want that big wedding and it’s not a stressor to you and your person? Invite them all! I’m just here to remind you it’s okay to invite who you want to invite, and not one person more. 

Now to discuss the big day itself. Sometimes, one of the more stressful parts of the day actually happens while you’re getting ready–the Overstimulation Nobody Warns You About. This is a wedding day issue that is SO near and dear to my heart. Getting ready is supposed to feel fun and celebratory, but it can also feel like a lot: there’s music playing, champagne being poured, someone doing your hair, your mom crying in the corner, your bridesmaid asking what time the photographer gets there… and somewhere in the chaos is YOU, just trying to exist for a second, and maybe have a bagel? I have seen so many versions of this, and the brides who struggle with it the least have a relaxed and supportive team around her!

What’s the secret, you ask? In my years of experience, there’s a few things that genuinely help:

• Give yourself a buffer window with no scheduled “tasks.” Even 15-20 minutes of just sitting, sipping water, and not being asked anything. 
• Assign a point person. Whether that’s your planner, your maid of honor, or your mom, designate ONE person who fields questions so they’re not all coming directly to you. “Ask Sarah!” becomes your favorite phrase of the day.
• Saying “I’m not answering questions right now” isn’t rude, it’s self care. Be gracious with yourself on your wedding day. It’s okay to not be a people pleaser for a little while. You’ve earned it at the very least. 

And to the bridal party reading this: the biggest gift you can give the bride is not asking her decision-fatigue-inducing questions on the morning of. Save it for the planner or day-of coordinator. I promise they will probably have the answer. 

Now, lets talk Family Photos and how to get through them quickly (Without Losing Your Mind)

Family photos have a reputation for being the most chaotic 20 minutes of the whole day, and honestly? It’s earned. But it doesn’t have to be.

My best trick: create a shot list in groupings, not individuals, and send it to your photographer AND a designated family point person ahead of time. We’re talking the names of each person you want in the different photos. Something like:

1. Bride, groom, bride’s mom, bride’s dad
2. Bride + bride’s mom
3. Bride + bride’s dad
4. Immediate family + grandparents
5. Extended family, Bride’s side
6. Extended family, Groom’s side

Then, have your point person physically go grab people as we move down the list, so we’re never standing around yelling “has anyone seen Uncle Bob?” into a crowd. I promise, this alone can cut your family photo time in half. 

Not to mention, creating a list ahead of time makes it so that you don’t miss any important family combinations on the day of! 

Next, the question of the century…Should You Do a First Look?

I get asked this constantly, and here’s my honest, unbiased (sort of) answer: it depends on what you actually want, not what you think you’re supposed to do.

Reasons to love a first look:

• It gives you a private, quiet moment together before the whirlwind of the day begins
• It frees up time later for portraits, cocktail hour, and actually enjoying your reception with your people. It allows for most photos to get done before the ceremony so you can be a part of the day after the ceremony  
• It can genuinely calm pre-ceremony nerves because you get a moment with your person to calm your nervous system

Reasons to love not doing a first look:

• You want that classic “walking down the aisle” reveal to be the first time you see each other. It can truly be such a special moment
• You don’t mind a tighter photo timeline after the ceremony

There’s no wrong answer here. But from a purely logistical, “let’s maximize your day” standpoint, first looks tend to make the rest of the timeline breathe a lot easier. And on the flip side, not doing a first look is just as manageable when you have a professional who knows how to optimize the “day of” photo time best–me, obviously! 😉

How to Keep Guests From Waiting Forever for Cocktail Hour. Nothing kills momentum like guests standing around awkwardly, waiting for the bar to open. A few timeline tricks:

• Have the ceremony flow directly into cocktail hour, with staff ready to direct guests immediately rather than leaving them standing at the ceremony site.
• Make sure the bar and appetizers are 100% set up and ready to go before the ceremony even starts. This sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many times this has not been thought of.
• Build in a realistic cocktail hour length based on how far your photo locations are from the reception space, not just a flat “60 minutes” because that’s the standard. Your cocktail hour can be as long or as short as you want it to be! Your photographer will be able to give insight into this when you chat with them. 

At the end of the day, your wedding is allowed to feel like yours. Overwhelm is normal, but it doesn’t have to run the show. With the right plan (and the right people in your corner), you can actually be present for the day you’ve been dreaming about.

You’ve got this, my friend. And if you need someone in your corner to help you capture/plan it all out? You know where to find me.